02.24
There’s someone in our church that I’ve been missing lately. We’ll call her Jan. I emailed Jan and asked how she was doing. She’s struggling. Depression, loneliness, and feelings of abandonment by God. Now, Jan’s a remarkable lady. Everyone who knows her loves her. I’m telling you, she’s really amazing, but she’s had a tough life… really tough. And she wants so desperately to feel loved by God, but right now she feels nothing.
Since I’m an exceptionally wise and intelligent pastor, I offered Jan a few thoughts – some might call them suggestions – on her difficulties. Her response? “I just can’t buy them right now.” The platitudes that usually sound so good (never doubt in the dark what God taught you in the light; just hang in there; or perseverance produces character) just don’t work in Jan’s case. She has already ‘hung in there’ longer than I ever would. She has endured more heartache in any ten year period of her life than I want to experience in my entire life.
So what do I do??? That’s where Philippians helped me. “Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.” I’m not sure what acts of kindness Paul is referring to in that verse, but I do get the sense that the church at Philippi cared for Paul – and showed it. And that’s all I can do for Jan, care for her and show it. God will have to take care of the rest. He did for Paul and He will for Jan.
Have you ever had someone reach out to you when you were in an awful place? How did it help?
What’s God teaching you through Philippians 4?
So many words to simply say that Jan needs someone to help her put the ski’s back on in the blizzard. Yes, reliance on God is good. However He calls us to pick up our brother or sisiter when they cannot pick themselves up. We throw platitudes at people and never simply shut up and give a hand. Actions speak louder than words. How long does it take for us to miss the fallen? I know. I have been there. Most times you are not simply missed. You are stayed away from. No one wants to get that involved. They prefer to catch up with you when you are happy again.
Great insight, Linda…
What a great subject: Linda it’s obvious you have the T-shirt, finding myself shipwrecked as well even to the point of wanting to take my own life I can tell you that being broking is no simple Matter. My heart aches for people that are suffering but for the fact that there are not feeling loved. I felt comforted more by people that just said nothing but were gracious enough to just give me their comfort by keeping their mouth shut. who needs friends like Jobes. I am a big believer in the mandate set forth by our high priest Jesus Christ on the sermon on the Mount. Linda you said it right when you said she need someone to help her put this sky Back in her blizzard,, not tell her how to do it and why she’s in the blizzard. How sweet is humanity. the giving of one’s unconditional love and time without any expectations. I am alive today and thriving because of this extremely rare amazing love. “We bereaved are not alone,” wrote Helen Keller. “We belong to the largest company in the world-the company of those who have known suffering… so long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain.
Linda, your insight is SO on target. Time and time again through this series Ken has spoken about “this isn’t about what we can get, but it’s about what we can give.” We, myself included, miss SO MANY chances to be a blessing to others by simple, low to no cost and selfless acts of kindness when we can be “Jesus with skin on.” What I’ve observed over the years is that people are generally afraid to engage because they don’t know what to do, what to ask, how to act around someone that is either ill or caring for someone that is ill. They’re scared that a question may trigger an emotional response and they don’t want to be uncomfortable.
After reading this thread I felt compelled to share a poem that I wrote. It’s being included in a book that I’ve been working on for several years (kind of a coping mechanism over the years)
“October 1, 2003………Traveling an un-desirable road
Over twenty-two years ago I began a new adventure down life’s road with my soul mate, my love, my partner, my lover……………..my spouse. Oh the dreams we had of children, two cars, a dog, a cat, our own home, an enjoyable career and early retirement to grow old together. We had life by the tail and stood ready to blaze a trail down life’s road together. There was no way that we could have known that we would soon be…… traveling an un-desirable road.
We were traveling down life’s road as a married couple for about six months when we began to realize that perhaps a bridge was out on the road of life. It first started with a few bumps in the road, eventually we discovered that we were headed down a road that neither of us was fully prepared for. A road that we would find was filled with peril. We realized that we were……………………..traveling an un-desirable road
Friends would call or come by and see that our trip down life’s road was bumpy. The typical responses would be: “hang in there,” “it’ll get better,” “we’re praying for you,” and the best one, “if there is anything I/we can do you just let us know.” Never actually offering anything other than words, never understanding that our days are often so overwhelming that we are afraid to ask for help for fear of being turned down or for fear of being disappointed again. Sadly, the reality is they were probably hoping that I would never actually CALL and want some help……………………traveling an un-desirable road
Oh they didn’t say it exactly that way but over the years, after disappointment, followed by disappointment you learn not to expect any follow-up or follow-through. On a rare occasion someone would come along and offer something tangible. Not a phrase, not a wish, but something real, a meal for example, pick-up items at the drug store or grocery store, a ride to the doctor’s office and the most precious gift of all……………a compassionate ear, just let you talk, cry, scream, rant and rave, without casting judgment and without interruption. Giving wise counsel in a gentle, non-threatening and very caring way……..REAL, MEANINGFUL STUFF that would help in my……………………..traveling an un-desirable road
Over the years you become accustomed to “friends” never having any time for you. You grow immune to the coldness that society offers to not only the chronically/terminally ill, but to the caregivers. You eventually realize that there will be more days that you will be alone…………………traveling an un-desirable road”
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Since writting this seven years ago, God has filled the voids and healed the wounds and allowed me to bask in His love and grace. I was sharing with Wes just yesterday that in years past, at this point when Cindy’s immediate health crisis had subsided and I knew she was going to be okay, I would be in a state of shear anger at God. Now, I’m at peace, only because of His grace.
I share this with not for pity for me, but the reality is that’s typical in our society today. We, collectively have TREMENDOUS opportunity to minister to those all around us that are hurting. We can minister in ACTION….sometimes that action is complete silence….a friendly, non-condeming ear….no platitudes, no trying to “fix” the situation…..
“The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything” stuck out for me. Like so many that are on the blog, I’m struggling. I’ve had something wrong with me that keeps me from sleeping well since 1993. Many things have been fixed since 1993, but it still plagues me. It’s amazing how never sleeping well affects your whole life. Now, I have a whole host of other physical issues, a very long commute, tremendous difficulties at work, and many other things too numerous to list. For the last nine months, my health has been going down. My wife and son see it. She cries a lot and worries all the time. I know she’ll cry when she sees this.
Today is a bad day. It’s like dying in slow motion. Of course, satan knows when you’re down and takes the opportunity for a full court press. Friends are praying for me, so he’s at bay but still prowling the perimeter. I found out I had cancer three years ago. I’ve had a procedure, but tests showed that something was not ‘gotten’. I’m taking an investigational medicine to halt tumor growth, and that seems to be working. My ‘numbers’ are looking good now.
Even with people that love you and help you everyday, it’s still easy to feel isolated by all these things that assail you. But I’ve cut the lifeboat loose. Like Paul, I’m believing that God will save me and give me all those that are sailing with me. Everyday I feel terrible physically, but I know that God is near. I should be worried and concerned like my wonderful wife, but usually, I’m not anxious. I know when you’re in the middle of things like this that advice is worthless, because who can know what this is like. I feel a connection to everyone who is struggling like this. When I pray for them, I understand at least a little bit how overwhelming it can all become. Answers are hard to come by, but compassion should not be. I appreciate everyone who’s shared their sorrows and difficulties. You’re not alone. And we do care.
Kirk, the faith you place in God despite your circumstances is humbling to me. “The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything…” these are words that I have strived to live my life by, and it takes a ton of Faith. But I have never had to face the trials or pains that you have gone through. It amazes me that even through the tough times you can look not only to God (cause in times of sorrow that seems to be the easiest time to seek after God), but you also continue to have a heart and compassion for those around you. I do not know what it must be like to be in your shoes, and I definately do not have any advice that could help. But, I pray that when times get tough in my own life I can follow your example and not seek God out of pity for myself. I pray that God will give (and continue to give) me, and His church, hearts that are full of compassion for those around us. And I pray that God comforts you and your family; that He would cause your trust in Him to become contagious to your wife and son so that they may find peace knowing that the Lord is near and he has you in mind.
Thank you for your prayers Jacob!
If God had pulled you out of the fires as often as He has had to pull me out of the fires, it wouldn’t be that hard to believe that God is near. I understand that no one wants the fires, but those fires are the things that send you running to Him. And compassion is pretty easy when so much love and compassion is sent your way. Now patience! That takes work! Perseverance is hard!
I thank you again for your prayers and concern!
Verse 13 has got me through many tough situations and is proberly my families favourite verse because as a missions family we encounter situations along our walk with Jesus and to know that We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, is so amazing to know that it’s not our strength but the strength is given by Jesus.
When Grant and I have gone through our most difficult times, what was one of the greatest comforts was having a small group of believers who listened to us, loved on us, and lifted us up in prayer each week. Knowing we are not alone is such a comfort!
Today’s verses about contentment really stuck out to me. Paul went through it all, but he did not let his external circustances affect his internal peace. So often, I let little things impact my contentment. I don’t want to let anything rob me of that joy that Jesus gave me through his Spirit. Again, the word “perspective” comes to mind. Paul’s contentment came from his God-confidence, he knew God would give him the strength to deal with all his circumstance. I want to have that kind of confidence in God, that I KNOW I can do anything in His strength.
Oh, I needed verse 4 today. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice”. No matter how many times I hear it, I never am able to be continuously grateful for my country. I love singing great songs to God, I love going to church or Bible study. Yesterday, I saw a video by Francis Chan on the persecution going on in India. What I saw, I wasn’t prepared for. I often put off prayer or adoration with God because my life is rough, or my family is experiencing a hard time.
But I am going through NOTHING like these people. They’re being beaten, punched, kicked, broken, killed…all for God. I recently grew angry at God because of something that was taken away because of the recession. I should be rejoicing, through the clouds of worry and fear, because the only pain I’m experiencing is a result of our greed in this country. The pain the Indian Christians are experiencing is because of doing the RIGHT thing.
God has so, so blessed me. And I must rejoice, I have to rejoice. Always.
Joy reigns in the heart only when Christ is Lord of life. Joy is always in the Lord. Paul is telling us believers to rejoice at all times. This includes the bad times as well as the good times. A practical way to have Joy is by exhibiting gentleness to all. We should have the ability to go beyond the letter of the law. To be gentle, yielding, kind. The Holy Spirit teaches me to put my personal rights and privileges aside and put the needs of others before my own. As Paul teaches, the Lord is near. In both time and space, God is available to us. Our joy should replace anxiety in life. I have found the cure for anxiety to be prayer. My worry and anxiety comes from focusing on circumstances beyond my control. The peace of God comes for my prayer-anxiety and worry has never accomplished anything. The peace that God gives me reflects the divine character, which lives in serenity, totally separate from all anxiety and worry. Once in my life I could just dream of such peace that my feeble mind not be able to comprehend this kind of peace. I pray and thank God for all he’s done, all that he will do, and pledge my life and my heart to him. I am made whole with a quiet confidence. Until I trusted and committed my life to Christ I did not know this peace. This peace protects the two organs of worry-my heart and mind that produce feelings and thoughts. The Holy Spirit continually reveals truth. To me, truth is that which corresponds to reality. My anxiety comes when false ideas and unreal circumstances occupy my mind instead of truth. Ultimately, thinking on the truth is thinking on Jesus who is truth…. “For what is prayer? To connect every thought with the thought of God. To look on everything as his work and his appointment. To submit every thought, wish, and resolve to him. To feel his presence so that it shall restrain us even in our wildest joy. That is prayer. Frederick W. Robertson